Yes, becoming an au pair can genuinely help with overcoming homesickness long-term. The structured nature of the au pair experience gives young people a ready-made support system from day one: a host family, a community of fellow au pairs, and a program framework that keeps them engaged, purposeful, and connected. For most participants, the initial wave of homesickness gives way to a deep sense of belonging that stays with them well beyond the program year.
That said, the journey is not without its emotional challenges. Understanding why homesickness happens, how the au pair experience addresses it, and what you can do to prepare makes a real difference in how quickly and fully you settle in. The sections below walk through each of these questions in detail.
Why do au pairs experience homesickness in the first place?
Au pairs experience homesickness because they have left behind everything familiar at once: their language, their social circle, their daily routines, their family, and the cultural cues that make everyday life feel comfortable and predictable. This kind of total environmental change is one of the most emotionally demanding transitions a young person can make, and feeling disoriented or sad in the early weeks is a completely normal response.
For most au pairs, the first trigger is the quiet. Back home, your day is filled with background familiarity: the sounds of your neighbourhood, the rhythm of meals with family, conversations that flow without effort. When you arrive in a new country, all of that disappears at once. Even simple tasks, like grocery shopping or catching a tram, can feel unexpectedly exhausting when you are still learning how things work.
There is also the gap between expectation and reality. Many young people arrive with excitement and high hopes, and that energy is genuine. But the first few weeks of living abroad as an au pair involve a lot of practical adjustment before the adventure really begins. The contrast between the dream and the daily reality of settling in can amplify feelings of loneliness, even when the experience is objectively going well.
Understanding this emotional arc is the first step. Homesickness at the start does not mean the decision was wrong. It almost always means you are in the middle of a meaningful transition.
Does living abroad as an au pair actually reduce homesickness over time?
Yes, living abroad as an au pair tends to reduce homesickness over time, and more effectively than many other forms of international relocation. The reason is structural: the au pair program places you inside a family home rather than in isolation, surrounds you with a peer community through agency events and activities, and gives you a fixed daily schedule with clear purpose. These three factors work together to build the sense of belonging that makes homesickness fade.
Research into expatriate adjustment consistently shows that social integration is the single most powerful antidote to homesickness. Au pairs have a head start on this because they are not navigating a new country alone. From the first day, there is a household to come home to, children to care for, and a fixed routine that gives shape to the week. That structure is genuinely protective against the kind of prolonged loneliness that makes homesickness worse.
Over the course of a year, most au pairs report a clear emotional progression. The first month is often the hardest. By the second or third month, the host country starts to feel less foreign. By mid-year, many au pairs describe the Netherlands as feeling like a second home. By the end of the placement year, a significant number choose to extend their stay or return in future years, which is perhaps the clearest evidence that the experience resolves rather than deepens feelings of displacement.
What au pair program features help with long-term emotional adjustment?
The features of a well-run au pair program that most support long-term emotional adjustment are community events, structured onboarding, dedicated support from a program manager, and access to ongoing training and social activities. These elements do not just make the experience more enjoyable; they actively reduce the risk of prolonged homesickness by keeping au pairs connected, informed, and supported throughout their placement year.
Community events play a particularly important role. When you are living in a new country and your social world is essentially limited to one household, meeting other au pairs who are going through the same experience is enormously reassuring. Shared outings, workshops, and cultural activities create friendships that extend well beyond the event itself, and those friendships become a genuine support network for the harder days.
Structured onboarding also matters more than people expect. Arriving in a new country with a clear briefing on local culture, family dynamics, and practical daily life removes a lot of the anxiety that feeds homesickness. Knowing what to expect from Dutch family life, understanding how the program works, and having a point of contact you can reach if something goes wrong all contribute to a sense of safety that makes emotional adjustment much faster.
Ongoing support from a dedicated program manager means that if homesickness does become difficult, there is someone who knows your situation and can help. That kind of consistent, personalised support is what separates a well-structured program from a simple placement service, and it makes a measurable difference to how au pairs feel across the full year.
How does building a host family bond affect homesickness?
Building a genuine bond with your host family is one of the most effective ways to reduce homesickness during an au pair year. When an au pair feels like a real member of the household rather than a hired helper, the host family begins to fill some of the emotional role that family at home would normally play. That sense of belonging is not a replacement for home, but it is a meaningful anchor in a new country.
The au pair program in the Netherlands is legally defined as a cultural exchange, not an employment arrangement. This distinction matters emotionally as well as legally. Au pairs share meals with the family, participate in household routines, celebrate local traditions, and are treated as a temporary member of the home. That immersive, reciprocal relationship creates a level of connection that a work-based arrangement simply cannot replicate.
Families who approach the hosting year with genuine openness, who share their culture, include their au pair in family life, and take an interest in where their au pair comes from, create conditions where homesickness is far less likely to take hold. The exchange works both ways: the au pair brings their own traditions, food, and stories into the home, and that mutual curiosity builds real warmth over time.
When the host family relationship is strong, au pairs often describe the end of their placement year as bittersweet. Leaving the host family becomes its own version of the homesickness they felt at the beginning, which is a telling sign of how deeply that bond can grow.
Can the skills gained as an au pair prevent homesickness in future moves?
Yes, the skills developed during an au pair year make future international moves significantly easier to navigate emotionally. Au pairs who complete a full placement year come away with practical and psychological tools that most people only develop through repeated experience: adaptability, cultural fluency, comfort with uncertainty, and the confidence to build a social life from scratch in an unfamiliar environment.
The first international move is almost always the hardest because everything is unknown. You do not yet know how long the discomfort lasts, what helps, or how capable you are of getting through it. After a successful au pair year, you have direct evidence that you can do it. That self-knowledge is genuinely protective against homesickness in future relocations because the fear of not coping is often as difficult as the homesickness itself.
Au pairs also develop a specific kind of social skill that is hard to build any other way: the ability to form meaningful connections quickly, across cultural and language differences. This skill is enormously valuable in any future international context, whether that is further travel, study abroad, or an international career. People who have lived as au pairs tend to settle into new environments faster and with less emotional difficulty than those who have not had that experience.
In this sense, the au pair year is not just a one-time adventure. It is an investment in your long-term capacity to live and thrive across borders.
What should prospective au pairs do before leaving to reduce early homesickness?
The most effective things prospective au pairs can do before leaving to reduce early homesickness are to prepare emotionally and practically, build connections before arrival, learn about the host country’s culture, and choose a program with strong in-country support. The early weeks of an au pair placement are the most emotionally vulnerable, and preparation significantly shortens how long that difficult phase lasts.
- Learn about Dutch culture before you arrive. Understanding local customs, family values, and daily life norms means fewer surprises on arrival. The Netherlands has a direct communication style, a strong cycling culture, and a family life that tends to be well organised and routine-driven. Knowing this in advance helps you adapt faster.
- Connect with your host family before departure. Video calls, messages, and shared photos with your future host family before you leave home build familiarity that makes the first day feel far less daunting. Arriving somewhere that already feels slightly known is very different from arriving somewhere completely unfamiliar.
- Join au pair communities online. Connecting with other au pairs who are heading to the same country, or who have already completed a placement year there, gives you a peer group before you even board the plane. Those early connections often become real friendships once you are all in the same city.
- Attend any pre-departure training or webinars offered by your agency. Structured preparation sessions that cover Dutch family dynamics, cultural expectations, and practical tips for living in the Netherlands give you a realistic picture of what to expect, which is one of the most effective ways to manage the gap between expectation and reality.
- Understand that au pair schedules are fixed, not flexible. Your working hours and responsibilities are agreed in advance with your host family and set for the duration of the placement. Going in with a clear understanding of this structure — rather than expecting to negotiate your timetable as you go — helps you settle into the routine quickly and reduces the uncertainty that can feed early homesickness.
- Acknowledge that some homesickness is normal. Going in with the expectation that the first weeks will be easy sets you up for a harder emotional landing. Knowing that discomfort at the start is part of the process, not a sign that something has gone wrong, helps you move through it rather than being derailed by it.
The families and au pairs who navigate the early adjustment period most successfully are almost always the ones who prepared thoughtfully and chose a program that kept them supported from the very first day.
How Sunshine Au Pair helps with overcoming homesickness
Sunshine Au Pair is built around the understanding that emotional adjustment is just as important as logistical placement. The agency’s approach directly addresses the factors that make homesickness harder:
- A dedicated Program Manager assigned to every au pair from the start, providing consistent, personalised support throughout the full placement year
- Regular community events including cultural outings, city tours, seasonal celebrations, cooking workshops, and beach days that build real friendships and a genuine sense of belonging in the Netherlands
- A monthly Welcome and First Aid event that helps new au pairs connect with each other from their very first weeks in the country
- Pre-departure training through the Jumpstart Au Pair Training Webinar, which prepares candidates for Dutch family life, cultural norms, and practical daily realities before they arrive
- Careful matching with host families who understand and embrace the cultural exchange nature of the program, creating household environments where au pairs genuinely feel at home
- A free program with no agency fees charged to applicants, so au pairs can focus on the experience rather than financial stress
If you are considering an au pair year in the Netherlands and want to start with the right support around you, get in touch with the Sunshine Au Pair team to find out how the program works and whether it is the right fit for you.