When an au pair becomes homesick, the best thing a host family can do is acknowledge the feeling openly, offer warmth and inclusion, and take small practical steps to help the au pair feel more connected to their new environment. Homesickness is a normal part of any cultural exchange experience, and most au pairs work through it with the right support. The sections below cover how to recognize the signs, what to do, when to involve your agency, and how to set the stage for a smoother transition before your au pair even arrives.
How can you tell if an au pair is homesick?
A homesick au pair may become quieter than usual, withdraw from family interactions, seem distracted during the day, or show less enthusiasm for activities they previously enjoyed. Some au pairs express sadness openly, while others become harder to read. Changes in mood, appetite, or sleep patterns are also common signs worth paying attention to.
Because the au pair lives in your home as a temporary member of the family rather than as a hired employee, you are in a unique position to notice these shifts early. Some specific signals to watch for include:
- Spending more time alone in their room, especially in the evenings
- Increased video calls home or visible distress after speaking with family
- A drop in energy or motivation when engaging with the children
- Mentioning home frequently or expressing doubt about staying
- Difficulty adjusting to daily routines or the local culture
It is worth remembering that many au pairs, particularly those arriving from countries far from the Netherlands, are experiencing their first extended time away from home. That adjustment takes time, and early signs of homesickness do not mean the placement is failing. They simply mean your au pair needs a little more connection right now.
How long does au pair homesickness typically last?
For most au pairs, homesickness is most intense during the first four to eight weeks of the placement. This is the period when everything is new, routines have not yet formed, and friendships outside the household have not had time to develop. As the au pair settles in and builds a life in the Netherlands, the emotional difficulty usually fades significantly.
The duration can vary depending on several factors, including how far the au pair has traveled from home, whether they have previous experience living abroad, how quickly they connect with people outside the family, and how supported they feel within the household. An au pair who feels genuinely welcomed into family life tends to adjust faster than one who feels isolated or uncertain about their role.
In some cases, homesickness can resurface around significant dates such as national holidays, birthdays, or family events back home. Being aware of these moments and offering a little extra warmth around them can make a meaningful difference to how your au pair experiences the year overall.
What can a host family do to help a homesick au pair?
The most effective thing a host family can do for a homesick au pair is to make them feel genuinely included in family life. Simple gestures, consistent communication, and helping the au pair build connections outside the home all contribute to a faster and smoother adjustment.
Here are practical steps that tend to make a real difference:
- Include the au pair in family meals and activities. Sharing meals and everyday moments is one of the most natural ways to build belonging. The au pair is part of your household, and treating them that way matters.
- Check in regularly and genuinely. Ask how they are doing, not just in terms of the childcare schedule, but as a person. A brief, honest conversation can ease a lot of anxiety.
- Encourage friendships with other au pairs. Connecting with peers who are going through the same experience is enormously helpful. Many au pairs find that meeting others in a similar situation provides reassurance and a social outlet.
- Support their Dutch language learning. Feeling more confident in day-to-day communication reduces isolation and helps the au pair feel more capable and independent in their new environment.
- Celebrate their culture. Showing genuine interest in where your au pair comes from, their food, their traditions, their language, signals respect and makes the cultural exchange feel like a two-way relationship rather than a one-sided arrangement.
- Give them space to stay connected with home. Reasonable time to call family or friends is important. Feeling cut off from loved ones accelerates homesickness rather than easing it.
The au pair program in the Netherlands is legally structured as a cultural exchange, and the best placements reflect that spirit on both sides. Families who approach the relationship with openness and genuine care tend to see their au pairs thrive.
Should a host family contact the au pair agency when homesickness becomes serious?
Yes. If an au pair’s homesickness is persistent, affecting their ability to care for the children, or leading them to consider leaving the program early, the host family should contact their au pair agency promptly. This is exactly the kind of situation a dedicated Program Manager exists to support, and early involvement leads to better outcomes for everyone.
Reaching out to the agency does not mean the placement has failed. It means you are taking the situation seriously and seeking the right support. An experienced agency can offer mediation, check in with the au pair directly, help identify what is driving the distress, and suggest practical solutions that the host family may not have considered.
At Sunshine Au Pair, regular check-ins with both the family and the au pair are built into the program throughout the hosting year. If something is not working, there is a clear point of contact and a process for addressing it. Families who feel uncertain about how to handle a difficult emotional situation should not hesitate to reach out for guidance rather than waiting to see if things improve on their own.
Can homesickness lead to an au pair leaving early?
In some cases, yes. Severe or unresolved homesickness can lead an au pair to decide they are unable to complete the full placement year. While this is not the most common outcome, it does happen, and it is one of the reasons why early intervention and ongoing emotional support are so important.
An early departure is disruptive for both the family and the au pair. For the family, it means an unexpected gap in childcare and the need to begin the matching process again. For the au pair, it can mean visa complications and the loss of an experience they had looked forward to. Neither outcome is ideal, which is why addressing signs of serious homesickness early, rather than hoping it resolves itself, is always the better approach.
It is also worth noting that not every au pair who feels homesick will want to leave. Many go through a difficult period and come out the other side feeling more settled, more confident, and genuinely glad they stayed. The support offered during that difficult window is often what makes the difference between an au pair who leaves and one who goes on to have a meaningful and rewarding year.
What can host families do before the au pair arrives to prevent homesickness?
Prevention starts before the au pair steps through your door. The more prepared and welcomed an au pair feels from day one, the better equipped they are to handle the emotional challenges of living abroad. Thoughtful onboarding sets the tone for the entire year.
Practical steps host families can take before arrival include:
- Communicate regularly in the weeks before arrival. Regular, friendly messages help the au pair feel connected to the family before they arrive and reduce the anxiety of arriving somewhere unfamiliar.
- Prepare their room with care. A comfortable, private space with natural light, as required under Dutch program rules, helps the au pair feel respected and at home from the start.
- Share your family’s routines and lifestyle. Knowing what to expect reduces the shock of adjustment. Share information about your neighborhood, local transport, nearby shops, and what a typical week looks like.
- Discuss expectations openly. Clear, honest conversations about the fixed childcare schedule, house rules, and how the family operates prevent misunderstandings that can contribute to emotional strain later. Au pair working hours are set in advance and do not change week to week, so both sides should understand and agree on the schedule before the au pair arrives.
- Plan a warm welcome for their first days. A family dinner, a short local tour, or simply making time to sit and talk goes a long way toward helping an au pair feel they have arrived somewhere they belong.
The families who invest in the relationship from the very beginning consistently report smoother, more rewarding placements. Hosting an au pair is a genuine cultural exchange, and approaching it that way from the outset creates the conditions for both sides to thrive.
How Sunshine Au Pair supports host families through homesickness and beyond
Sunshine Au Pair is designed to support both host families and au pairs throughout the entire placement year, not just during the matching process. When homesickness or other challenges arise, families have a dedicated Program Manager to turn to for guidance, mediation, and practical solutions. Here is what that support looks like in practice:
- Regular check-ins with both the host family and the au pair throughout the hosting year
- Mediation and direct support when emotional or practical difficulties arise
- A vibrant au pair community with organized events, cultural outings, and social opportunities that help au pairs build friendships and feel at home in the Netherlands
- Experienced Program Managers who understand the human side of cultural exchange, not just the administrative side
- Access to online and in-person classes that help au pairs build confidence and connections during their year
If you are a host family in the Netherlands looking for a placement built on genuine care, clear communication, and ongoing support, Sunshine Au Pair is here to help. Get in touch with our team to find out how we can guide you through every step of the process.