To check an au pair’s references properly, you need to speak directly with each referee by phone or video call, ask specific questions about the candidate’s childcare experience, reliability, and character, and verify that the referees are genuine contacts rather than friends posing as employers. A thorough au pair reference check is one of the most important steps in the vetting process, and it goes well beyond simply reading a written letter.
For host families, references are often the clearest window into how an au pair actually behaves in a real childcare setting. The sections below cover every practical aspect of the process, from knowing what to ask to spotting warning signs during the conversation.
What questions should you ask an au pair’s references?
When speaking with an au pair’s reference, ask open-ended questions that require specific, detailed answers rather than simple yes or no responses. Focus on the candidate’s childcare experience, how they handled challenges, their reliability, and how they interacted with the children in their care. A strong reference will be able to give concrete examples without hesitation.
The goal of a reference call is not to confirm what you already know from the application. It is to uncover details that a CV or cover letter cannot capture. Here are the most effective questions to ask:
- How long did you know the candidate, and in what capacity?
- What ages were the children they cared for, and what did their responsibilities include?
- How did they respond when a child was upset, unwell, or difficult to manage?
- Were they punctual, organised, and consistent in their availability?
- Did they ever act independently in a situation that required good judgment?
- Would you trust them again with your children or recommend them without reservation?
Pay close attention to how the referee answers the last question. Genuine enthusiasm is a positive signal. Hesitation, vague language, or a qualified answer warrants a follow-up. If the referee says something like “she was good for the most part” without elaborating, ask them to explain what they mean.
Who counts as a valid reference for an au pair?
A valid reference for an au pair is someone who has directly supervised or worked alongside the candidate in a childcare or caregiving context. This includes former employers, nursery or school coordinators, family friends for whom the candidate regularly babysat, or teachers who observed the candidate working with younger students. Personal character references from family members are not considered valid on their own.
The most credible references are those who can speak to the candidate’s practical skills and behaviour around children, not just their general personality. When evaluating whether a reference is appropriate, consider the following:
- Professional references from a nursery, daycare, or household employer carry the most weight because they reflect a formal caregiving arrangement.
- Informal but verified references from neighbours, community members, or family friends who employed the candidate for regular babysitting are also acceptable, provided they can describe specific childcare situations.
- Academic or community references from teachers, youth group leaders, or coaches can support an application but should not be the primary source of childcare validation.
- Family members of the candidate are not acceptable as references, as they cannot provide an objective assessment.
Ideally, an au pair should be able to provide at least two references who can speak specifically to their experience with children. If a candidate can only offer one childcare reference and fills the remaining slots with general character witnesses, that is worth noting.
How do you verify that an au pair’s references are genuine?
To verify that an au pair’s references are genuine, independently confirm the contact details of each referee rather than relying solely on the information provided by the candidate. Search for the referee’s name, organisation, or contact information through publicly available sources, and initiate contact yourself rather than accepting a pre-arranged call.
Reference fraud is more common than many host families expect. A candidate may list a friend or relative who agrees to pose as a former employer. The following steps help you identify whether a reference is authentic:
- Ask the candidate for the referee’s full name, job title, and the organisation they work for, then look up the contact details independently online.
- If the reference is from a nursery, daycare, or school, call the main number of that institution and ask to be connected to the person named.
- Ask the referee how they know the candidate and when the caregiving arrangement took place. Cross-reference their answer with what the candidate told you.
- Notice whether the referee answers without prompting or seems to be reading from a script. Genuine referees speak naturally and recall specific moments.
- Request a written reference on headed paper or with a verifiable email address if you have any doubts after the call.
The au pair vetting process should treat reference verification as a non-negotiable step, not a formality. If a referee cannot be independently confirmed, that reference should not be counted.
What red flags should you watch for during a reference call?
During an au pair reference call, red flags include vague or overly brief answers, an inability to recall specific incidents, reluctance to answer certain questions, and a reference who seems unfamiliar with the candidate’s day-to-day behaviour with children. Any of these signals warrants further investigation before you proceed with a placement.
Experienced host families and placement professionals know that what a reference does not say can be just as revealing as what they do say. Watch for these warning signs:
- Scripted or rehearsed answers: If the referee responds to every question with polished, almost identical language, they may have been coached by the candidate.
- Inability to give examples: A genuine referee who spent meaningful time with the candidate will naturally recall specific moments. If they cannot, their experience with the candidate may be limited or fabricated.
- Hesitation around direct questions: Pauses before answering questions about reliability, patience, or trustworthiness can indicate the referee is choosing their words carefully to avoid saying something negative.
- Qualified praise: Phrases like “she was fine with the children” or “I suppose she did well” suggest lukewarm confidence rather than genuine endorsement.
- Reluctance to be contacted again: A confident, honest referee will have no problem with follow-up questions. Resistance to further contact is a concern.
If you encounter one or more of these red flags, do not dismiss them. Raise the concern with the au pair directly or with your agency, and request an additional reference from a different source before making a final decision.
Does an au pair agency handle reference checks for host families?
Yes, a reputable au pair agency conducts reference checks as part of its standard screening process before presenting candidates to host families. This means that by the time you review an au pair profile, the agency has already spoken with referees, verified their contact details, and assessed the candidate’s suitability for a placement. The depth of this process varies significantly between agencies.
For host families in the Netherlands, working with an agency that takes au pair screening seriously removes a significant burden from the matching process. Rather than conducting every reference check independently, families can rely on a structured vetting process that has already filtered out unsuitable candidates before a profile is ever shared. It is also worth noting that au pair schedules are fixed, not flexible — the working hours and days are agreed upon in advance and do not change week to week — so references that speak to a candidate’s consistency and punctuality within a set routine are particularly valuable.
That said, host families should still feel empowered to ask their own questions during the interview stage. An agency reference check is a professional foundation, not a replacement for your own judgment about whether a candidate is the right fit for your specific household and children.
How Sunshine Au Pair helps with au pair reference checks
Sunshine Au Pair conducts thorough reference checks on every candidate as part of its au pair screening process, so host families can approach interviews with confidence rather than uncertainty. Here is what the process includes:
- Direct contact with each referee to verify the authenticity and relevance of the reference
- Specific questions focused on the candidate’s childcare experience, reliability, and character
- Assessment of whether the candidate meets all program requirements, including eligibility for the Netherlands au pair program
- Ongoing support from a dedicated Program Manager throughout the placement year
- Facilitated interviews so host families can ask their own questions in a structured setting
As an IND-recognised agency with over a decade of experience and 1,000+ successful placements, Sunshine Au Pair combines compliance with genuine care for both families and au pairs. If you are ready to find a thoroughly vetted au pair for your family, get in touch with the team and take the first step toward a match you can trust.