Tips for a Successful Year with Your Au Pair
A successful au pair year doesn't happen by accident. The families who have the best experiences share a few common habits — clear communication, realistic expectations, and a genuine commitment to cultural exchange. Whether you're weeks into your placement or still preparing, these practical tips will help you build a rewarding relationship that works for everyone.
Treat It as a Relationship, Not a Transaction
The au pair program is fundamentally a cultural exchange — childcare is part of it, but it's not the whole picture. Families who treat their au pair purely as staff tend to encounter friction. Families who treat them as a young family member with defined responsibilities tend to thrive.
This doesn't mean there aren't boundaries. It means your au pair eats dinner with you, joins family outings when appropriate, and feels genuinely welcome in your home. Small gestures of inclusion — asking about their weekend, remembering their birthday, including them in holiday celebrations — compound over time into a strong, trusting bond.
Be Clear About Expectations (and Write Them Down)
Most au pair conflicts trace back to unclear or unspoken expectations. Don't assume your au pair will "just know" what you want. Be explicit about working hours and the weekly schedule, specific childcare duties and what falls outside their role, house rules around tidiness, kitchen use, guests, and car use, and how you'd like to handle sick days or schedule changes.
A shared document or printed handbook that you both refer back to prevents the "but I thought..." conversations. Review it together in the first week and again after the first month when real-life patterns have emerged.
Establish a Weekly Check-In
This is the single most effective habit you can adopt. Set a regular time each week — even just 15 minutes — to sit down and talk about how things are going. Not a performance review, but a genuine conversation. What went well this week? Is there anything we should adjust? How are you feeling?
When check-ins are routine, small issues get addressed before they become big ones. Your au pair learns that it's safe to raise concerns, and you learn about problems while they're still easy to fix. Skip this, and you're likely to discover issues only when they've already become emotionally charged.
Some families find it helpful to have check-ins during a walk or over coffee rather than sitting formally at the kitchen table. A more relaxed setting often leads to more honest conversations.
Respect Their Free Time
Au pairs in the Netherlands work a maximum of 30 hours per week, spread across no more than 8 hours per day. Outside those hours, their time is their own. Respecting this boundary is essential — not just legally, but for the health of the relationship.
Avoid the trap of "just one more thing" requests during off hours. If you regularly need more flexibility, discuss it openly and adjust the schedule formally rather than letting scope creep erode trust. Your au pair will be far more willing to help in genuine emergencies if they feel their personal time is consistently respected.
Encourage Their Independence
A happy au pair is one who has a life outside your home. Encourage them to attend language courses, explore the Netherlands on their days off, make friends through Sunshine Au Pair events, and pursue their hobbies. It might feel counterintuitive — you want them available and settled — but an au pair with a rich personal life brings more energy and positivity into your household.
Practical support helps too: explain the public transport system, lend them a bike (essential in the Netherlands), and point them toward local activities. The more independent they become, the more confident they'll be in their role with your family.
Navigate Cultural Differences with Curiosity
Your au pair comes from a different culture with different norms around punctuality, directness, personal space, food, and family roles. Dutch families are often more direct than their au pair expects. Au pairs from some cultures may say "yes" to avoid conflict when they actually mean "I'm not sure."
Approach these differences with curiosity rather than judgment. Ask questions: "In your country, how would this work?" Share your own perspective: "In the Netherlands, we tend to..." This turns potential friction into genuine cultural exchange — which is, after all, the whole point of the program.
Know When to Ask for Help
Even the best placements hit rough patches. If communication breaks down, if the children are struggling to adjust, or if something just feels off, contact your Sunshine Au Pair program manager sooner rather than later. They've seen every situation before and can offer neutral perspective, mediation, or practical advice.
Asking for support isn't a sign of failure — it's smart hosting. The most successful families are the ones who treat their program manager as a resource, not a last resort.
Ready to start your au pair journey?
We'll match you with a screened, motivated au pair and support you every step of the way.
Apply as a Host Family